I don't write journals or diaries. I do have to fill in reports for work- especially when I've been working a case with R.I.P.T. but that's different.That's work. This is personal and I don't normally scribble my thoughts or adventures down on paper for posterity or even my own mémoires.

I soooo do not do blogs .Those are just subjective rants about anal stuff that most people should keep to themselves. I see blogs as internet toilet paper.

But lately, things in my life have gone from strange to bizarre to whatever is stranger than bizarre. So I have decided to ... track them.

To start, I'm part of not one but two Triumvirates- a union of human, lycanthrope and vampire that welds our singular powers to form one ass-kicking super power. The original Tri of myself and the Master of the cIty and the Alpha pack leader of the werewolves happened by accident but it had so much potential that we pursued it. Of course, the fact we couldn't undo it did have some influence in that decision. We are still in the practicing and "wow- look what we did!" stage of this relationship. The third mark in the vampire road to eternal life- one more and we are bound beyond all time, all events. We would be as one being on the metaphysical plane of life.

It started with me becoming the human servant and lover of the Master of the City of St. Louis. His name is Jean-Claude and he is heart-stoppingly beautiful, wholly masculine and slightly arrogant and egocentric. The phrase "tall dark and handsome" was coined for Jean-Claude, though at 5'10" he is now classed as average height. When he was a living man 400plus years ago, he would have been considered tall. There is nothing else about him that can be categorized as average.

I know that he still has not shown just how strong of a master vampire he is- he is cautious and canny and irritatingly patient. Maybe he doesn't even know what his limits are. Since marking me as his human servant, I have sort of hot wired his abilities.He acts very nonchalant about many of the things that happen to us, to the Tr-i as if he expected this, that and the other to happen, but I think he's winging it a lot of the time. He has no clue what will happen if the three of us do such and such- he just acts like he knows. He has been a royal pain in my ass since the moment I first met him but I love him like I never thought I could love anyone. Its not just lust or companionship or even the soulmate thing- its just I cannot imagine him not being part of my life anymore.

I am in a on-off, love -hate relationship with the Ulfric of the St. Louis werewolf pack. His name is Richard Zeeman. He is also tall and heartstoppingly handsome, rugged and boyish, a musical theatre enthusiast and capable of bench pressing a compact car if he feels like it. He unfortunately has some major issues with being a werewolf- the main one being it keeps him from leading a white-bread, upper middle class human life complete with wife, 2.5 kiddies and a cute house with a white picket fence. He wanted me for the wife part and I'd even said yes until I saw him eat someone.

Yes, I know that's what werewolves do, but it made me rethink some of my values. Hell, it scared the crap out of me. I got over the scared part but the damage had been done- I'd hurt him deeply, rejected him as a genuine monster and made him feel less than human. Well, he's actaually more than human being a lycanthrope but its one of the things that stands between our being a cozy couple. Sometimes, I want to shake him until his fangs rattle because he can't seem to see just how incredible a person heactually is- smart, sexy, handsome, a terrifci teacher and pack leader and he can be a damn lot of fun. He only sees the fur and fangs and the fact the woman he loved was horrified by him.But the thing he doesn't get is even then- I still loved him. I know I will always love him to a depth that is unfathonmable, a part of my heart has"RAZ" tattooed on it.

Even though I'm not actually a lycanthrope, I am Nim-ra - aka alpha female of the wereleaopard pard and lover of the alpha male- my soulmate, Micah. Micah is my fantasy man come to life, better even than what I could dream-up . He loves me just the way I am. Is that awesome or what?

You are noting I'm sure that I mention being the "lover" of several men here, right? Me, the good girl who was saving herself for marriage or at least that one special man. Sex equaled commitment to me. Still does. The problem is- all "my men" are special and all of us are committed to each other. Or at least each man is committed to me. Sometimes when things get really hairy- no lycanthrope humor meant - I think I should just be committed. All because, bless his cursed sexy tight little butt, Jean-Claude inadvertently gifted me with a little something extra when he made me his human servant. He also gave me the curse of his bloodline- the arduer.

What's that? Sounds like French cuisine? In a way It is. It means I , like Jean-Claude, need sex- as in NEED sex - to survive. It is the same as food and water and air and if I don't feed that craving often enough ... well, bad things happen. Embarrassing things. Wicked things. That's not the reason that these men are my lovers. The reason for that is, I love them. Each one of them. The ardeur simply woke me up to the fact that not everyone is cut out to be monogamous and that under certain conditions- that can be good.

It doesn't mean I'm a wanton thing.

Anyway, Jean-Claude, Richard and I make up the Triumverate that holds power here in St Louis Unlike most of the vampire masters Jean-Claude has no global conquest aspirations. He just wants the vampire council to leave him alone. He wants to be the Master of the City- living a quiet, comfortale life even though he's the undead. He just wants the security of his own territory. The love of a good woman- that's me and well, the love of a good man. That would be Richard if he wasn't so homophobic.

I wouldn't classify Jean-Claude as seriously bisexual. He prefers women. Always did. But he is from a time and place where a man loving another man was accepted. And he's done that.

That brings us to Asher. I'm his lover too. Asher and Jean-Claude go way back- like centuries and centuries and he is as close as Jean-Claude had to "family " for a long while. They had a falling out- over a woman and some misconceptions of events that occured that tragically sundered them as only love turned to anger turned to hate can do. But Jean-Claude never stopped loving Asher. Like all great romance tales they are now reunited. Now they again share their lives- Asher is Jean-Claude's second in command in the vampire hierarcy here and are lovers. Things just sort of happened and Asher and I became close too- yes, real close.

Though both Jean-Claude and Asher are of the same vampire bloodline- Asher is not an incubus- not cursed with the ardeur like Jean-Claude and me. But Asher is gorgeous and I love him for the man he is- so we sometimes are a menage a trois. Trust the French to conceive the term used universally to discribe the three of us.

Asher would jump Richard's bones in a second if he thought he could but Richard has his own demon memories - thanks to Raina and Gregory to fight that made him homophobic Jean-Claude is soooo very patient. I think I knew Jean-Claude's hunger for Richard long before Richard realized the vampire wanted more than to just bite his neck. It's odd thought, being a lycanthropy Richard can be very huggy-feely-touchy-pack oriented and doesn't mind male to male physical interaction. I once saw him "give" his power to an injured pack member by letting the pack member suck blood from his neck- it was very... intimate. I guess its like playing football. Lots of body grinding there but nothing sexual.

Richard is starting t be a bit more accepting of intimate contact with Jean-Claude. But I wonder wwhat would happen if Richard sever saw the look on Jean-Claude's face, the fire in his eyesdirected at him when the three of us ...bind our powers. Yes, we do that by means of sex. Jean-Clade is an incubus. Everything about him- about me more and more involves sex.

Screw that celebacy stuff.

So here I am - with Jean-Claude and Asher and sometimes Richard .And with Micah, my wereleopard soulmate.

Then there is the other threesome I am part of- the inadvertant Triumverate of myself, Nathaniel and Damien. Those two are my lovers, too.

Damien, the beautiful redhaird vampire who I called from being truely dead and who ended up as "mine" rather than Jean-Claude's. And Nathaniel- the victumized beautifl wereleopard who has grown into a self-assured competent man who has loved me - unconditionally- from the get go. They understand the ardeur. They know that I love each of them for who and what he is- that they are not just today's brown bag lunch.

So, how do I get any work done if so much of my time is spent having sex with someone? Ronnie slammed me with that question. She said she was concerned for my well-being but eventually it turned out to be penis-envy. I had them and she didn't. "House-boys" she'd called Micah and Nathaniel. I wonder what Louie sees in her. What did I see in her- she was my best friend. But then, things change.

But the answer to that question is- it's the same as a normal person taking a break to eat, to refuel, to recharge their body. Make time to do it or die. I just ...do it.

So much has changed from that day when I walked into Guilty Pleasures with Catherine and Monica the traitor and Jean-Claude and I stepped onto the path that would change our lives irrevocably. I don't date vampires I kill them. Was that me that said that? Yes, but things changed. I changed. Could I date a monster- never, I vowed! Well, let's just remember that lycantropy is a disease not a aberation and that makes Nathaniel, Micah, and Richard "legitimate" in my warped codex of relationship bylaws.

So I have decided that I will jot some things down here and then, random incidents in my life with the undead and terminally furry that stand out for some reason or other. Maybe when I retire I'll write a book.

No one will believe it.